the girl at the bookshop blog

au revoir

2012-01-17T09:40:00.000-08:00

I'm excited to say that this will officially be my final post to "girl at the bookshop" blog!

I've decided that with my life changing so rapidly and in exciting ways, I needed a change of blogs as well. The girl at the bookshop spanned almost 3 years, 30,000 views and was a haven for me during the most difficult and draining years of my life. Hopefully my new location, the midcoast blog will better explore my much happier journey into adulthood. The new blog will be less about inspiration and more about my actual life and experiences. In many ways it'll be much more personal, but at the same time professional. With no lack of pretty pictures, I hope that the followers of "girl at the bookshop" will continue to follow me to the midcoast blog where I will hopefully share more writing on interesting topics!

girls and boys...

2012-01-10T20:54:00.000-08:00

These past few days have been challenging for me.

Throughout the past few weeks I've kept in the back of my mind that a job opportunity might be possible in LA and I felt confident about it. I felt like maybe that opportunity was a once in a lifetime "here you go" moment, where something good was literally just handed to me. However, that is simply not how my life works. Nothing is ever just simply handed to me, I usually have to work really hard... and usually harder than everyone else.

So now, it's become clear, even painfully so, that I will be permanently living in Wisconsin indefinitely. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE it here. I love every moment spending time with my little cousins and talking to my aunts and uncles. I love that I live with someone again. I love that I can cuddle with my cat at all hours of the day. I love that I can work out in a beautiful gym. I love that I don't know anyone here and that they don't know anything about me. I even love how the weather is slowly easing me into a harsher winter than I've been used to. I feel as if in many ways my acceptance has gently progressed into my different life here.

But now, knowing that I will most likely be job searching for the next few months at least, I have to come to terms with a lot of things.
1. I'm going to start a new blog. It'll be a little more mature, a little neater and a little less intimate. However, it'll encourage me to try new things, explore my surroundings and grow as a woman.
2. I've already gotten a part time job to earn a little money while I wait in anticipation for my "big girl" job. It's nothing glamorous, but I hope it encourages me to meet more people and have an even better experience here! I start tomorrow... wish me luck!
3. I need to get my creativity back! It's strange that with this time off I've hardly watched any new movies or read any books. It's like my brain has rejected the absorption of anything novel.
4. I'm going to try and embrace every day in the best way that I can. Today I felt sick and exhausted, but I ended up feeling so much better after spending time with my mom, exploring the amazinggg library here and eating probably too much delicious food!

Overall, this is just another challenge. It's another obstacle in my life. But it doesn't have to be viewed in a negative way. I catch myself smiling and laughing for no reason at all. I dance around and sing more than I have in years. Maybe I'm not off working some successful job in some big city right now, but finally I'm HAPPY.

white clean and pristine

2012-01-04T21:53:00.000-08:00

Can't I just have this now? Haven't I waited long enough? I've been feeling so impatient and lonely for this lately. I'm thinking about phasing out the Dear Future Husband posts entirely because I just feel like he's so close!

I'm more sad than I should be about her divorce but I also can't help but go all googly eyed when I watched her New Years Eve video with Joesph Gordon Levitt... so there's that.... Also, I LOVE those shoes. I'd commit many a crime to have some for my own.

Isn't this GORGEOUS? And doesn't it make you want it to snow everyday for the rest of your life?

I love circus tents, I love bright little lights. I'll post any picture that has one or both of these things.

She's so full of whimsy to me. Like the perfect dress up doll.

This is the best most favorite picture in a longgg time. Something about it reminds me of baking and space... also, beautiful hard wood floors.

These remind me of my glasses and makes me want to wear my hair in buns more often.

blue without you

2012-01-02T10:48:00.000-08:00

It has been an amazing last few days because I've seen snow in so many different forms. It's beautiful to me in an almost unexplainable way.

I'm wearing socks just like this now.

The movie that gave me inspiration to wear the old fashioned pajama set.

I'm in love with this couch.

A great fantasy.

I want to buy these J Crew PJ's for myself sometime soon!

I love this picture so very much.

Right now it's 80 degrees in Los Angeles. There's something so strange about that to me.

Doesn't this just look so fun and amazing?

Christmas time...

2011-12-29T21:55:00.000-08:00

My dad still puts up the old school Christmas lights and I kind of love it! It felt so nice to come home to a house all decorated and warm

"You like that tree? Guess how much it cost. Come on... guess! ...44.99" My family members are SUCH proud bargain shoppers.

My first night home we had a little graduation get together with family which was nice and low key but full of laughs and funny stories.

I finally was able to see my sisters apartment! She had it decorated so cute and I spent a lot of time watching her wrap/unwrap gifts and do the dishes :)

She took me to lunch at my favorite restaurant!

I FINALLY bought a gingham shirt! It was like 13 dollars at Forever and it looks so much like the J Crew ones!

My great grandma is 91 years old. She had my grandpa when she was 17 and continued to have 7 more children after that! She's one of the most special ladies I've ever met and had a huge impact on who I am today.

My Uncle Wayne is probably my favorite person in life. He makes me feel so good about myself! I wish everyone in the world was like him... and that I got to see him much more often!

My mom says this is a picture of me and Brenna "trying to look smart"... but really we were lazy on Christmas morning and wanted to wear our glasses instead!

I love that I'm smiling with my mouth open like that... it's how I usually look when I'm REALLY smiling... but I try not to do it in most pictures.

This should be the Christmas card advertised as the most disfunctional family in the world, but I still love all of them very much... in their own ways.

Every year, when people insist on making fruit pies I make a dessert that I could actually eat... Nestle Tollhouse is always the easiest crowd pleaser

This was my Christmas eve look :) Red and black was a perfect mix and a fun excuse to dress up!

This is Brenna's "I had no idea I was getting a toolbox for Christmas" look. We received "practical" gifts this year.

I bought her Toms :) We helped a lotttttt of kids in Africa this Christmas season.

This is as excited as he gets.

My little Rob Kardashian.

Not a trick of the eye... she literally can pick him up off of the ground.

Me and my nana

I had Mr Pickles TWICE while I was home! Both times with this face. Heaven in a sandwich :)

Sometimes it's fun to tell your friend you're taking a picture of them while they hold something embarrassing in front of their face. Then you sneak away...

Every time I go home I have to catch up on the life of Bri.

My Clydus. This picture was taken half a second before he jumped up to bark at something.

Oh how I LOVE an independent bookstore. This one made me want to cry because it was packed with people! I so admire San Francisco's dedication to keeping their small businesses alive!

Dance parties in Kaity's kitchen.

How adorable? HOW adorable? I never want to leave just because of this.

Crazy Untalan girls. See where I get it from?

No offense, but my cousins are cuter than yours.

new year new thoughts

2011-12-25T23:51:00.000-08:00

Each year I make very specific new years resolutions like
-get a bike (or learn how to ride a bike)
-get an internship
-get at least a 3.0
...etc.

But this year is different for a lot of reasons. The predominate reason being I have no idea where my life will take me this year. Usually I have a good idea of where I will be living... or at least what city I will be living in. This year everything is up in the air! It's extremely exciting but also overwhelmingly scary. Today I had to take a walk because it just became too much to handle and I talked myself into a really good place but I just get myself so worried over nothing. In my head I came up with some attainable, yet still challenging goals that I'd like to hold myself to throughout the next year.

1. Physical: I would like to be more "fit"... meaning I will make time to exercise again. I will either join a gym or routinely be active in another way. My goal is to be my "blue dress size". It's not a goal weight, because I never weigh myself, but it was a dress I wore when I was proud of the way I looked and I'd like to feel like that again.

2. Emotional: I will make myself go on a few dates this year. They will most likely be unfortunate first dates, but I don't care! I need to date again, no matter how painful that experience may be. Three or so dates might not seem like that many to most people, but I technically went on zero dates this year ( just "hang outs") so I'm horribly rusty on the whole social ritual. I think it's obvious that I would love to meet the love of my life. but I just need to open myself up to meeting men again. (read: MEN)

3. Financial: I will get my first "big girl" job this year. I'm giving myself the entire year because I know it won't happen right away. It will likely be another difficult situation, but I'm determined to work in an environment that challenges me and makes me feel happy and fulfilled, especially if it will lead to something better or allow me to feel secure.

4. Mental: I'm going to try to cut back on my TV obsession and focus on finishing the very last of my movie list. I want to read more books, especially pertaining to my future career. I also want to write more. Reviews, scripts, short stories... anything that will keep my creative juices flowing. Notice how I'm just saying "more". The past year I've been so drained of my creativity that anything would be "more" but I want to refocus on my passion and what's important to me again.

oh wildfox

2011-12-22T22:10:00.000-08:00

you make the most beautiful and complete lookbooks out there EVERY SEASON. I thank you. The new spread reminds me of a wild west, ethereal Lisbon girls.

what my mind is obsessed with today

2011-12-20T21:58:00.000-08:00

brun

2011-12-17T22:41:00.000-08:00

My hair feels so thin from all the stress it's been through! I can't wait until the day when my hair will look like this all piled up!

I'm dying to find a cute/affordable case that looks just like wood but is actually super durable and protective silicon/cushy material.

I've had dreams with me wearing this dress. They also involve me in a relationship with Jamie Dornan, the super hot "Huntsman" from Once Upon a Time. This dress could never be possible in read life because what would hold my boobs? And the whole dating has a famous actor thing is only an extremely slim chance... but hey, that's what dreams are for, right?

This picture almost... alllllmost has me wishing my hair was one straight length. Then I remember that this is a tall, gorgeous, skinny model and the straight length would have quite a different effect on me than her.

I getting boots like this for Christmas!!!
Now how can I arrange to receive the boy in them?

I want to see this movie very much. It sounds like the perfect post-Christmas movie.

I love this picture. I stared at it for about 2 minutes straight because I could feel the breeze in my hair. See the flashing mix of metal and glass. Smell the scent of grim and pretzels. To me, this picture is perfection.

What a beautiful gentleman.

I was watching far too much Sex in the City reruns while I was studying and it made me realize how much I need strong, self assured female friends in my life. Friends who don't try to steal from you, use you or are jealous of you.

This is heaven?

I love the color of my hair very much. It's truly one of the features I enjoy about myself. But if I could, I would trade hair color with this girl without hesitation!

Oh hello beautiful boys... I can only imagine what you're talking about.

a little wordy

2011-12-17T22:12:00.000-08:00

Scenario:

There's a restaurant that you've been dying to go to for years, ever since a co-worker told you about it when you expressed your absolute obsession for 50's style diners. It's your last few days living in this city with the famous 50's style diner and two friends promise to take you after you finish your second-to-last final.You finish the final (and you get a 92%... go you!) and your friend tells you that they don't want to go to that restaurant for your farewell dinner. Instead they choose a very generic restaurant that's found in just about every town in California. That's ok, you decide. You'll just go with the flow. So you drive to the restaurant only craving a pizookie (can you guess the restaurant now?) but your friends say that it's "unhealthy" to order just dessert. This is ironic because you are an incredibly unhealthy eater and anyone who knows you decently well can attest to this but for some reason, you are convinced and order a (rather unhealthy) entree instead. You finish the meal, which was ok, and you sit back waiting to order the pizookie. The waitress forgets the pizookie and brings the check instead. Hey, it's cool... you'll go with the flow.
You glance at the check.
No one makes a move for it.
You wait a few minutes longer.
No one makes a move for it.
You reach for the check and pay for your decent entree.
After awkward goodbyes and false promises you are driving in your car and realize that:
1. you will never go to the restaurant you've been dying to go to
2. you didn't order the meal you wanted
3. you paid for the restaurant and the meal that you didn't want
and quite obviously 4. these people are not your friends.

Another scenario:

You put in your two weeks notice at your thankless retail job. They don't schedule you the entire final week which means you will be making MUCH less money than anticipated. After some haggling, the managers move around some hours and give you a Sunday shift and promise to find 4 more hours for you. Your Sunday shift ends and you leave without saying goodbyes because you'll be working another day that week. Your managers never call and have the courtesy to inform you that you won't be getting any more hours. You never say goodbye to any of your (actually kind) coworkers. You never told that beautiful boy how beautiful he was. You never told off your crazy bitch managers.

All I can say is FUCK YOU retail job! I'm never going back down that road again. I'd rather be a garbage woman. I'd rather be a stripper. I'd rather be homeless that put myself through that idiotic experience ever again. I have a college degree and I'm better than you! bahaha

These are just two experiences from my final week in "that horrible place that shall not be named". Maybe you think I'm a whiny brat. Maybe you think these are inconsequential happenings in life and that I should just learn to deal with it better. Maybe you think I'm feeling a little too "poor me" for my own good. But for me? They were the icing on the cake. That final kick out the door. I've dealt with situations like these for 3 1/2 years. When I left my job in Northern California they BOUGHT ME A CAKE. My friends all MADE TIME to say goodbye to me. The irony is? I was soooo excited to leave Northern California. How exciting college life was going to be... right? I absolutely got what I deserved.

Walking around campus after a morning of unsuccessful packing maneuvers and a fairly easy final, I had so many different memories of each bench, each building, each corner of the library... but I can honestly say that the good memories struggled against all the bad memories. There's where a girl from my dorm yelled at me. There's were my old editor treated me like I was inferior to him. There's where a friend told me something devastating. There's where I was when I found out that my dog had passed away.

But to be fair, there's where I played joint-Soduku with a friend. There's where I studied for a final that I aced. There's where I practically skipped to class because of the cute boy I would see.

To be honest, I did have some great memories from the past 3 1/2 years, but usually they were when I was alone. For the next 3 1/2 years I don't want that same story. I NEVER want that same story. From now on, it doesn't matter what I'm doing... if I'm unhappy and alone I will move someplace new and try something different. I won't stay and try to "stick it out" because that doesn't work. I'm wiser for this experience. I'm glad I had it. But from now on, for the rest of my life I will be dedicated to finding love, finding friendships and finding happiness.

And that's just what I'm going to do! Of course I will make more mistakes, but I'm going to fall madly, deeply, truly in love again. I'm going to make long, strong, lasting friendships with good people. I'm going to work jobs that make me feel challenged and fulfilled, not I'm stressed and angry. I'm going to live in cities that I love. Everything is different now. Everything is open and clear.

oh my hubs

2011-12-14T00:16:00.000-08:00

You would think that this week, of all weeks, I'd be daydreaming of you the most. This is the week I've been waiting for MY WHOLE LIFE! I'm not exaggerating either... as of December 16th at noon I will finished with school FOREVER. This also means that I will finally be getting out of San Diego... something I've been dying to do for the last three years! But this week is also important for you. As of next week, I will officially be open to whomever I meet. I will make myself date and put myself out there because I will be open to meeting YOU! I knew I'd never meet you in San Diego but I know I will be willing to meet you ANYwhere else :) At the same time as all of this happy stuff is going on, I've been a bit of a monster. I'm not sure I've ever been more stressed in my entire life. There hasn't been one minute this entire week that has made me truly happy or smile for that matter. Mostly, I've been watching Sex in the City in bed with my neck warmer and attempting to study.

I can't wait to travel places with you. I can't wait to see foreign places, eat exotic foods (or a cheeseburger) and stay in hotels. We can reenact this on a balcony or window someday.

You are one lucky man. I love sexy underthings for everyday wear. I will never understand how women can wear cotton granny panties everyday... they just make me sad. Some women would get offended if their husband/boyfriend bought them lingerie but I would LOVE it.

I need to breath some fresh mountain air. I just want to run away to a place like this right now.

I know you probably won't enjoy it, but could we go to the ballet sometimes? Or to see a play? I've only gone a few times in my life but I enjoyed it so much and I couldn't bear to go alone.

This might seem like a very silly request to you but it's an honest one. I would like for us to take pictures constantly. Even the boring, mundane everyday life sort of things. I hardly ever remember to take pictures of anything and I will claim to be the most un-photogenic person (I swear I look like Voldemort in most pictures) but please remind me to take pictures and for you to take some too!

Oh please oh please oh please will you look like this? I will be one happy girl. Do I even deserve a boy this beautiful? Am I choosing too far out of my league? I wish someone would honestly tell me what my league looks like. Maybe I need to come down off my high horse or something.

Yes, I'm pretty sure my wedding dress will look something like this. Because I'm a silly girl who thinks of such things.

advice needed

2011-12-13T21:52:00.000-08:00

So... I love these. But they're shearling-lined. I would be paying 50 dollars more for these but I've never lived anywhere cold before, is the shearling worth it? Or should I save the 50 dollars and get the "thinsulate" ones?

and in a color-less world...

2011-12-12T10:20:00.000-08:00

in a colorful world

2011-12-12T10:13:00.000-08:00

I've mentioned my glum mood a few times, but I think it's mostly reflected in my choice of clothing. This past week I wore black every day and when on Friday I made a conscience effort to wear a color, I accidentally rushed out the door wearing all black instead. I know things will feel brighter soon...

just two cute boys

2011-12-12T00:19:00.001-08:00

it's the littlest things

2011-12-07T19:46:00.001-08:00

pictures that make me really, really happy

Seriously? I LOVE this dress.

This is basically how I feel everyday. Old soul doesn't even begin to describe how I feel inside. I have an old soul, an old heart and some days I've even convinced that I have old joints... :)

Um... is this what heaven looks like?!

I cannot wait to layer, layer and layer some more! Today was the first day that I actually felt cold when I was biking to school. My poor little hands felt so numb and my ears turned bright red!

I've been dying to find the perfect white lace dress for years and I'm beginning to believe that I might never find one... but seeing pictures of perfect ones like this gives me some hope!

Anything Marie Antoinette

It would be so wonderful to sleep in this room every night

If I were ever to make a movie, I would cast him as the villain... but how un-villain-like does he look here? Such a cute man...

Oh, you're just wearing Wayfarers and a blazer in my favorite plaid pattern... can we just be in love already?

I would very much like to have this sweater. Or a man wearing this sweater. Or a man who wears this sweater but sometimes lets me wear it around the house.

Oh elbow pads... I'm determined to find a sweater that fits me perfectly and has elbow pads.

Currently, my house is absolutely freezing and I've been sleeping with 5 blankets on my bed. Overkill? I think not! You try sleeping in a house that is the exact same temperature as it is outside!

These look so wonderful

I've been seeing a few of these lying around... it makes me quite happy.

This is basically my every Wednesday night.

I'll be the first to admit that my fascination with sharks is a little odd...

Also, my love for painted elephants is strange...

Oh dear.

Why do I love velvet couches so much?

If you are a heterosexual female or a homosexual man you are straight up LYING if you try to claim that you would refrain from straddling that beautiful man's lap if this was actually in front of you.

Don't worry... I'm still waiting.

let me tell you about this boy

2011-12-04T21:30:00.001-08:00

More than three years ago, my roommate and best friend at the time were embarrassingly, pathetically, hopelessly obsessed with him.

He wasn't like the other boys ... he's sparrow-boned, a snappy dresser and has a quiet way about him. There was/still is no appropriate way to describe his beauty... he's simply, utterly beautiful. Even the way he moves is graceful, precise but also a little jerky and a little awkward. He's complicated and mysterious. We never even knew his name.

So we watched him from afar. We saw him hold hands, dance, laugh, walk, talk and kiss. We knew we would never have a chance with someone so perfect. It was as if we were somehow revolting in comparison, that we might taint him if we came too close. When she moved away, I knew I'd never see that boy again. Once she was gone, it was as if he disappeared with her, which was really appropriate in my mind. He would just be one other boy who would go away with her and not stay with me.

Now a few years have gone by and all the sudden he is back in my life in a big way. I opened the door, turned the corner and there he was. I just stared at him... I have no idea how creepy he thought that was. I know I was moving, I know was walking pretty fast, but it felt like I was standing in one place. He smiled at me but looked nervous, or hesitant? I'm not sure what emotion it was exactly. You can't read him easily like you can other people.

So now I run the chance of seeing him a few times a week and I know his name. I shook his hand when I introduced myself. I've even had conversations with him. He has no idea how perfect I think he is. He has no idea that my roommate and I swooned at the sight of him three years ago. He has no idea that I swoon when I see him now. In some ways I wish I could make an actual move (the word 'move' sounds so cheesy in this context) or tell him how I feel/felt. In some ways I think I wish I could do it just because my roommate never had the chance to.

But I won't. In a few weeks I will literally never see him again. He'll never know what I thought of him or the effect he had on me. I'll have to live with that.

winter beauty

2011-12-04T09:50:00.001-08:00

Can we talk about this girl? This is EXACTLY what I want to look like this winter. Beautiful hair, beautiful lips and lots of warm layers :)

She's just so darn pretty... it's not fair. I want my hair to look just like this.

This episode made me want striped sweaters. I threw away all my striped tee shirts due to holes and bad seams and now I don't know where to find anything like this! Hart of Dixie is fashion inspiration in itself!

to: my future husband, re: December

2011-12-02T22:48:00.001-08:00

I love the Christmas season. I love the lights, the candy, the music, the movies, the events, the shopping, the weather... everything is perfect during the Christmas season. But I have been wondering a few things...
1. Are we going to be white lights or colorful lights kind of people... or if I'm REALLY lucky, will be have blue lights? (that is, if you're Jewish) I personally like the white, but we can do colorful ones if that's what you prefer because you will definitely be the one putting them up!
2. We're going to have Christmas at our house, right? Because as much as I love traveling... traveling during the Christmas season just isn't as fun as it normally would be. Plus, that means we'll have a house stuffed people people and food and decorations. We'll be awesome hosts.
3. What kind of tree will we choose? Short and fat? Tall and skinny? Please don't try to talk me into buying a plastic tree or worse, a white tree. I'll probably cry. Can we chop it down ourselves? Take a day trip and get really frustrated and get pine needles all over the car?
4. How do we want to decorate the tree? Are we going to do hokey handmade ornaments? Store bought ordinary ones? Pretty, ornate ones? I will probably try to dominate over the tree decorating but don't let me win! If you want a Batman-themed tree, don't let me try to talk you out of it! Actually, a Batman tree might be pretty cool.

take me here

2011-12-02T22:21:00.001-08:00

and don't bother bringing me back to where I was before.

Can't you just imagine sipping a hot cocoa wrapped in a cozy sweater sitting cross-legged at the edge of that dock? And dipping your toe in, ever so gently, and seeing the ripples interrupt the mirror of the water? And hearing nothing... complete silence.

My entire life I've wanted to spend the holidays in New York City. I'd do all the big things like attend the Thanksgiving parade, see the Rockettes at Radio City Hall, watch the tree lighting in Rockefeller Plaza... but it's somehow more than that. I feel like Christmas would feel so much more Christmas-y in New York City. I hope some day, some year, I'll be able to make this happen.

Don't you wish that the world looked just like this? Isn't it amazing that some artists view the world so differently? I wish I could see the world as beautiful as this.

Take me to a place with cobblestone streets and corner cafes. Take me to a place where I can buy a baguette at the local brasserie. Take me to a place where stairs are the only option and heating is from a fireplace. Take me to a place where people enjoy life and are honest about who they do and do not like.

I don't know why I've always wanted to go to England. I just feel like I would fit there somehow. As if I was meant to be there, but was born here instead. British movies, British music, British fashion... I love it all. I don't want to take a vacation there as much as I would just like to move there for a bit. Maybe a summer in London. I might never leave.

I only have two weeks left in San Diego as as much as I am excited, I'm not handling my final days very well. I've been moody, tired and stressed. I know it's so few days left, but I just want them to be over! I want to skip through the next two weeks and just escape out of here!

a mini wish

2011-11-30T18:46:00.001-08:00

Coming closer to Christmas, my wish list is so small. So inconsequential. Sure I need boots and jeans. But I can buy those for myself! I tried to make a list of things I wanted but there was just so little that it's basically pointless to tell anyone.

Sometime in the future, I'll need work clothes, I'll need things for an apartment. But it feels so far off that it's not even worth mentioning now!

pessimism optimism

2011-11-25T17:31:00.001-08:00

Thanksgiving hasn't conjured the best memories in the past few years. Two years ago I was lucky enough to have my mom come down to San Diego, but this year and the past year I have spent Thanksgiving alone, working. Needless to say, the holiday just doesn't fill me with the same warm happy feelings as it once did and during this time of the year, I tend to feel a little more insecure (is that possible?), a little more emotional (really... IS that possible?) and quite pessimistic. I've been so jealous of the happy families cozy on the couch watching the parade or football... or even a sweet holiday movie. Their big delicious turkey dinners dominate my thoughts as I munch on a frozen macaroni and cheese meal.

But this year I felt something a little different... I felt hope. Because I could feel MY Thanksgiving coming back. That someday, somewhere, I was going to have that idyllic meal surrounded by my best friends and family in my cozy, warm house. I hope to take time to enjoy that, once I have it. And that I'll look back on my lonely, sad days in San Diego and truly relish the happiness of the day.

With that, I thought I should list some things I'm thankful for, and it's quite a different list:

1. I have clear skin! Yeah, it caused a butt-load of other crappy problems... but I FINALLY have pretty skin! Today I was talking to someone who had a terrible case of acne and I felt so many different emotions. First, I reached and touched my own face, somehow needing to confirm that clear skin was still there. Second, I felt sympathy for the girl, I wanted to hold her hand and tell her that I felt exactly how she was feeling. Third, I was mad. Mad? But I felt genuinely angry that she and I had to deal with a problem like that. Did we deserve it? NO. Does anyone deserve it? Of course not. It's not fair that the problem even exists.

2. I'm thankful that I will be graduating college in THREE WEEKS! I've worked my butt off at that school. I tried to make the most out of my time spent there. I conquered it! (almost... I mean, there's always a chance an evil teacher could fail me or something) I'm thankful I have an education and that I had faith in myself to go to college and to stick it out, even if it was so damn difficult

3. I'm thankful for my health and the health of the friends and family I love. Losing Twiggy and Emma last week was hard, but it's nothing like losing a best friend or sister. I'm so lucky to still have all of them and that those who have passed are watching out for me.

4. I'm thankful to Panera. Even though I'm sure it has helped me gained an extra 500000 pounds.

5. I'm thankful for women like Mindy Kaling, Amy Poehler and my teacher Martha Lauzen. These women have shown me what it is like to be a professional woman in modern society. They have shown me that it's sexy to be strong, creative and passionate. Fitting into a mold won't get me anywhere in life and now I know how to break away from it. I hope I can instill even half of their drive and success.

6. I'm thankful for this blog and all the blogs and tumblr's that I follow religiously. They've given me a sense of inspiration and friendship that I haven't found in my current surroundings. It's comforting to know that there are women out there, much like me with similar morals and backgrounds.

7. I'm thankful to Hulu, Twitter and Netflix for expanding my brain and knowledge of the film and television industry. Simply watching had taught me more than any class ever could.

8. Though I don't want to jinx it, I'm thankful that I have a plan. That I know where I will be living in a few months and that there are so many possibilities ahead of me. The future is unknown and scary, but it's also mysterious and exciting!

favorite actor

2011-11-22T23:44:00.001-08:00

It wasn't until 2 years ago that I gave Robert De Niro much thought. I'd seen him in a few movies... but nothing that blew me away.
Then I watched Godfather II.
Then Raging Bull.
Then Taxi Driver.
Then Everybody's Fine.
Then Casino.
And today I finally finished all of Goodfellas.
You could argue that he usually plays the same characters or the same roles, but I disagree. Some of his best roles stray very far from the gangster stereotype. I think Raging Bull would have to be my favorite work of his... mostly because he BECAME that character. Literally. He was almost completely unrecognizable as an actor throughout the entire movie. He sympathized with the character and it showed. He's also mysterious. He remains outside of the spotlight and rarely does any press. There's something admirable about an actor in this society who just wants to act. Who's good enough without Tweeting or getting divorced 4 times. I just think Robert De Niro is a genius. I would really like to meet him, even though I probably wouldn't be able to form words in his presence. He's awesome. I guess that was the point of this post.

contradictory

2011-11-22T23:31:00.001-08:00

Well a few weeks ago I posted the Vogue shoot of Michelle Williams shot by Annie Leibovitz because they really are great photos... but then I saw Michelle Williams interview on the Today show a few days ago and felt a little pissed.

First of all, Marilyn Monroe was magnetic. She was beautiful in an indescribable way. She was sultry and sexy while still doe-eyed and innocent. And she was amazingly talented.

It's not to say that Michelle Williams isn't pretty, because she is. But she was cast on Dawnson's Creek for a reason... and that reason is that she looks like the girl next door. A girl you could've gone to high school with. Her beauty, even with hairspray and make up, doesn't come close to competing with the real thing.

The second complaint is her body. She mentions only slightly in her interviews that she had to gain weight for the role... but she never speaks about how much weight she gained. I'm guessing she gained nothing more than 10 pounds on her waif-ish body. Rumors say Marilyn was a size 14... a size 12... a size 8... but regardless, the woman had a soft, curvacious body that the producers obviously wanted to move away from.

I haven't seen the movie yet, but I'm interested to see how they used Williams to portray such an icon without seeming too ridiculous.

hey hus,

2011-11-22T19:42:00.001-08:00

Oh my gosh it's been a hard few days. I wish I knew you already. I wish you were here. Last night I imagined you were there, sleeping next to me and it made me feel better.

Which reminds me, I'm going to have to start dating soon, aren't I? Because there really is no other way to meet you. ...Unless we randomly meet in a chat room on my 30th birthday... and you're the CEO of a large book company... and I'm the owner of a small children's book store in the village... oh wait...

But really. I have no more excuses anymore! Once I leave San Diego I'm going to actually make myself date again. Even though it will very likely be awkward, gory and miserable... I hope you know the sacrifices I will be making for you! When I was watching Good Will Hunting the other day there was this amazing line about how Will didn't let others in because then he wouldn't be "perfect" to them anymore and I think that has something to do with it, why I don't date. Why I don't let a lot of people in. But you'll love me for my flaws, my little idiosyncrasies.

I hear that men in Wisconsin grow beards in the winter time to keep their faces warm. Oh dear God how I hope this is true. And that you will do the same.

This is so far off in the future... but I can't wait to see something like this of my own.

Let's go to museums sometimes.

Someday I'm going to look across the table and see you do something like this. Just thinking about that makes me happy.

It's not that I put these pictures up to teach you how I would like for you to dress. You'll already dress this way. You'll truly enjoy taking care of yourself. I wouldn't want to change you.

I know you will absolutely understand all my little guy and girl crushes.

I love old movie posters for our house. What do you think?

I'm pretty sure that whoever this is... he is my type. But as soon as I meet you, whether or not you look like this, you will be my type :)

I hope we have a cool, eclectic group of friends.

I hope we get to grow this old together.

I'm already stressing about what to get you for Christmas.

The last few days all I've wanted was to lie in bed, watch movies and not leave my house. I've sort of succeeded. I wish you could've been there with me though.

2011-11-22T19:41:00.000-08:00

Photo Card

View the entire collection of cards.

Emma-dilemma-delightful-delicious

2011-11-21T12:22:00.001-08:00

It started with a horse. Not a pony, mind you, but a horse.

I was nuts for horses when I was a little girl and I think that really defines the way how girls grow up to become women. Some like Barbies, some like sports... some like reading and horses. I was the reading and horses kind of girl. I read all the Saddle Club books, I watched Black Beauty and read the book, I started writing my own book about horses, I bought horse calendars, and made collages all over my walls. I wanted a horse so badly. Finally, when it occurred to me that the closest thing to a horse I was ever going to get was Sassafras, my American Girl's horse (with a matching outfit of course), I switched to begging for a dog.

It wasn't long before I wore them down. The closest thing we had ever had to a pet was a stray cat named Lucky who frequented our house for food and to drop off his lizard-ly conquests on our front porch... not really a cuddle on the couch kind of animal.

We took a day trip to my grandparents house and my mom and grandma went off in search for the perfect dog and they came back with Emma. She was the runt of a Border Collie litter on a real working farm in the valley. She was almost all black and her brothers and sisters were all white. My mom told me later that she was mostly ignored by all her family, except for her dad. Emma drove home with us for two hours in the car... sleeping in a tiny cardboard box in between Brenna and I. It's weird that I don't remember the first time I saw her, or playing with her... but I remember her curled up, a little black thing in the corner of that cardboard box.

When we finally reached home, it was like her personality had come into bloom. She raced around the backyard at lightning fast speeds, she barked at Lucky, she pooped on the floor and she "herded" us and bit holes into our socks (now that I think about it, those were ugly socks... she was probably just letting us know that showing ankles was more fashionable). We began to wonder what sort of beast we had brought home.

Emma remained a bit of a terror the rest of her life. She barked, she didn't like other dogs, she chased her tail constantly and she didn't warm up to strangers. But she was also the smartest dog you'd ever meet. She was aware of where people were at all times, she knew her toys by name, she knew words, she knew the spellings of those words (eventually she even learned l-e-a-s-h) and she was a better judge of character than we were. I was always proud of how smart she was, she understood everything around her so well. Even though I referred to her as "my dog" I knew she never was... she was my dad's. She followed him everywhere, waited at the door for him and was never happier than when they were going on their daily walks.

Emma was also the funniest dog you'd ever meet. Once we dressed her in clothes and she closely resembled the Beast from Beauty and the Beast. I've never laughed and cried so hard since the day she accidentally torn the arm off of "Sloth", her favorite stuffed toy. She ran away to the Mormon church once. And then there was the day where I took Emma on a run with me and halfway through she decided she'd rather run back home instead ... and when I noticed she was gone, I had to chase her the entire way home.

She was a beautiful dog too. Her long, shiny jet black hair tufted on her shoulders just like a wolf. She had white paws that were spotted, just like a Dalmatian. Her ears were so soft and she always wanted her white belly to be rubbed. She had a fluffy black tail that she was always trying to bite off with a little white bit at the end. People never thought she was a girl because she had such a manly gait, she was a tough broad. She also had the same color eyes as my sister and I, something that I always loved. It made her feel like she truly was a family member, because she truly was part of my family and held us together when nothing else did. She was there when my dad took his Sunday naps on the hammock, she was there when we all sat on the couch for American Idol, she was there when we played at the park or wanted to take long walks and she was there, always underfoot, when we were cooking in the kitchen.

This morning I woke up in a strange mood. I felt inexplicably sad, a heavy, dull weight pressed over my entire body. I could make myself smile or laugh. In class my brain kept shutting off and when I went to Starbucks to study, every voice around me kept grating on my last nerve and I couldn't figure out why. Then I got a call from Brenna and I knew right away what had happened.

Emma passed away today, at 13 years old, after having a stroke. I always knew it was close to her time, after all, she was named after a Spice Girl, but I always felt so guilty leaving her. Every time I went home, she recognized me right away and I brought a frisbee with me, hoping that it would make up for all the walks we didn't take and all the peanut butter bones I didn't feed her. The last time I went home we went for a long walk, something she wasn't able to do as often with a bad hip. She ran around, sniffed everything and always looked back at us with her happy dog smile as a kind of "Hey guys, you still there? Because I'm having so much fun" and she trotted forward, just like a puppy. She was happiest roaming the hills and swimming in the creeks and I'm glad we were able to give her some of that in her life, because she gave us so much.

words that blew me away

2011-11-20T19:37:00.001-08:00

Will: Yeah. Don't worry about me. I know what I'm doin'. Yeah, butthis girl is like, you know, beautiful. She's smart. She's funny. She'sdifferent from most of the other girls I've been with.
Sean: So, call her up, Romeo.
Will: Why? So I can realize she's not that smart, that she's fuckin' boring? Y'know--I mean...this girl is like fuckin' perfect rightnow, I don't wanna ruin that.
Sean: Maybe you're perfect right now. Maybe you don't want toruin that. I think that's a super philosophy, Will. That way you cango through your entire life without ever having to really knowanybody.
...
Sean: Yesssss. Oh Christ....aahhh, but, Will, she's been dead twoyears and that's the shit I remember. Wonderful stuff, you know, littlethings like that. Ah, but, those are the things I miss the most. Thelittle idiosyncrasies that only I knewabout. That's what made her my wife. Oh, and she had the goods on me, too,she knew all my little peccadillos. People call these thingsimperfections, but they're not, aw, that's the good stuff. And then weget to choose who we let in to our weird little worlds. You're notperfect, sport. And let me save you the suspense. This girl you met, sheisn't perfect either. But the question is: whether or not you're perfectfor each other. That's the whole deal. That's what intimacy is all about.Now you can know everything in the world, sport, but the only way you'refindin' out that one is by givin' it a shot. You certainly won't learnfrom an old fucker like me. Even if I did know, I wouldn't tell a pissant like you.

honestly excited

2011-11-20T10:06:00.001-08:00

There have been very few things in my life that make me truly excited, but these past few days my excitement has been growing at a fierce pace. I'm excited for change and the unknown.

I think this is somehow combining with my fantasy of moving to the English countryside...

Twiggy

2011-11-18T07:52:00.001-08:00

Going away to college is a hard thing when you have pets back at home.

When people ask if I have any pets I always reply yes, because I have the smartest Border Collie alive and my cats are the two most adorable things you'll ever see. But then as the conversation goes on they find out that actually, my pets don't live with me and the closest actually lives 9+ hours away with my parents.

No one tells you how hard it is to leave pets behind for school. Because humans understand what is going on, where you are going and why. Pets think you're abandoning them. Every time I go home the cats slowly warm up to the girl they see about 1 month out of the year, but Emma always remembered me, always. It broke my heart to leave them, because you can't possibly make them understand that you're leaving, or that you're ever coming back.

This has made me cry in countless movies as well. Sweet Home Alabama? The scene in the cemetery had me crying for 10 minutes straight. Marley and Me? I don't even want to get started on how hard I cried. Homeward Bound... Fluke... Lassie...

The other day my friend was telling me a story about euthanizing pets and I started crying in the middle of the dining hall at school. I couldn't figure out why exactly, I knew my dog was getting very old... but it never occurred to me that something might happen to one of my pets.

We found Twiggy first. A little over two years ago Brenna was staying with a friend at her house in the country and they found 3 kittens without a mother. Teeny, tiny little things with big bright blue eyes, we wanted to keep everyone single one of them. We took the smallest grey kitten home and named her Twiggy. We gave her a bath through which she shivered the entire time and fed her out of a bottle, but we couldn't stop thinking about the other kittens. The next day we went back for the "big headed" calico and named her Poppy.

It had been a hard year for my mom and it had actually been on my new years resolution list to find her a pet and I felt like we succeeded. She was so happy to wake up early and feed them, let them sleep with her and played with them constantly. They were both amazing additions to the family and Twiggy was something special. She was more brave than Poppy, she went up to strangers and she stayed in the window sills all day. She was also super bratty. She'd attack your feet in the middle of the night and no barrier that you put in front of the door would stop her. If she was mad, she wasn't afraid to scratch or hiss. But she was also the sweetest, most gentle cat. She would lay with you for hours, cuddling as close as possible to you. She'd paw us like we were her mom and look up at us with so much trust. She had such a strong personality which only people who have pets could understand.

This morning my mom had to put her down. Twiggy was only 2 tears old. She had some form of heart disease that the vet never caught until last week. The thing that breaks my heart is that I wasn't there to see her before she went. She might not have known I cared about or loved her because I was always gone.

I'm not ashamed of sounding like a cat lady or over emotional... she was part of my family and a source of many good memories every time I was home for the past 2 years. I was going to see her in just over a month too, when I moved to Wisconsin and now I'm never going to be able to see her again. And yes, I am absolutely crying as I write this.

oh boy

2011-11-17T21:30:00.001-08:00

you are cute cute cute.
like a younger, cuter, softer Joaquin Phoenix

c'est moi

2011-11-17T12:27:00.001-08:00

Woke up at 4 am to go to work, came home, watched Red Riding Hood, ate some delicious food and now I'm off to study at school. Looking tired, feeling stressed and probably in need of a shower, I still feel happy today, I hope you feel happy too

oh gia

2011-11-16T22:47:00.001-08:00

Gia Coppola for Whetherly sure leaves me feeling inspired...

small business saturday

2011-11-16T22:23:00.001-08:00

This week I've been gearing up for the upcoming week for a few reasons.

1. It'll be Thanksgiving and I won't be able to spend it with family... again. I've always loved Thanksgiving too... I loved waking up early and watching the parade and dreaming about being a Rockette someday... and then we'd eat a much-anticipated Thanksgiving dinner with seconds and thirds and probably watch a pre-Christmas movie on TV (White Christmas is my favorite).

2. I'm going to be working a gi-super-normous amount of hours at work which is GOOD because I am beyond super poor and need that money like yesterday! For all the lucky people in the world that have never had to work a Black Friday (or as I like to say ... Friday) please, please remember to be kind to the poor souls that are shoveling that stack of sweaters you threw on the floor. We will be sweating and cursing and probably crying at your careless cruelty.

3. I saw a commercial promoting "Small Business Saturday" and I'm VERY excited about this. As you probably already know, someday my DREAM is to own a small business of my very own and with the sad economy, small businesses are barely scraping by. Just yesterday I was reminded of this when I went to a small stationary shop in Coronado. Unfortunately, I was only able to afford one present, but the girls were so nice and offered to wrap the present for me. The care they took to decorate the place into a beautifully magical shop filled with unique and special items touched my heart. Unfortunately, in the half an hour I spent looking around, not one other customer came in. In order to preserve a unique beauty in the world, we have to support these amazing businesses. So if you're unsure about what to buy a friend or family member, maybe take some time away from the mall and stop in a local shop to feel inspired. You'll be directly helping someone hold onto their business and you'll feel great about your purchase too. I myself will be buying two Christmas presents from local small business shops this year!

beautiful sisters

2011-11-13T23:02:00.001-08:00

ok kids

2011-11-11T23:04:00.001-08:00

*HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF*

My mom has invited me to live with her in Wisconsin for a few months until (hopefully) I can get my feet on the ground and get a big girl job. Or until I save up enough money to stick it out in Los Angeles (or Portland) on my own. I'm beyond excited for the change... mostly because I've been dying for a change for the past 3 years! The plan is that my dad and grandpa will help me move my things up to northern California where I will spend Christmas (which I'm also incredibly excited about because NO ONE does Christmas spirit like small towns, no one!). I'll be selling my car too... so if anyone is looking to buy a 2001 Silver Ford Mustang V6 in amazing condition, let me know! From northern California, I'll be flying into Wisconsin to see my mom... who I haven't seen in SIX MONTHS. We've never been apart that long and even though we don't admit it... I'm pretty sure it killed both of us a little inside.

So for the next month and 5 days I'll be rushing around, taking finals, packing, throwing away a LOT of things and saying goodbye to the places in San Diego that I will actually miss.

I know I want to spend one day in Coronado, walking the Del beach and getting coffee along Orange. I know I want to spend one day in Ocean Beach, saying goodbye to Sunset Cliffs, walking the dirty nasty pier and eating a Hodads burger while browsing through the best thrift stores in all of San Diego. I know I don't have a lot of great memories while living here, but those two places have given me some great days and some awesome suntans.

There are people that I will miss too. Great amazing interesting people that I've met while I've lived here. They've all drifted in and out... I know I'm not the easiest person to get along with... but they've all left an imprint on my life. Whether we rode a roller coaster, saw a show, laid on the beach, ate a hamburger (or pancakes), bought things we shouldn't have or saw a movie together... they've all left an imprint on my life. Some of my favorite moments were the simplest... eating pizza on a dorm room floor. Some of my favorite moments break my heart a little still. Some of my favorite moments were when friends visited from out of town.

Oh God. I've gotten way too nostalgic.

But really... there are things I will miss about living in San Diego.

But this post was supposed to be a materialistic post on how I'm obsessing what clothes I should buy before I move to Wisconsin and freeze my tush off!

So here are some pictures I've been looking at for inspiration on what I should buy. Because I'm a wimpy California girl who has maybe seen snow fall from the sky once or twice in her entire life. And owns only 3 sweatshirts, 2 coats and 2 long sleeve shirts. If anyone has any suggestions, please feel free to comment!

I mean...

2011-11-08T20:47:00.001-08:00

just another reason why I love watching 2 Broke Girls...

where I would rather be...

2011-11-06T23:33:00.000-08:00

Usually, the homes in Vogue leave me feeling extremely uninspired... and that fancy rich people have very small imaginations. But this vacation home made me feel warm, comforted and allowed me to feel the family that lived there. My favorite room is the kids room and I want to own an outfit just like hers :)

Elle always

2011-11-06T00:56:00.000-07:00

creates my favorite fashion spreads

I would literally wear every single outfit. Feilcity Jones is so darn cool... and she kinda/sorta looks like Jennifer Garner here, right?

2011-11-05T15:55:00.000-07:00

sexy curvy girls.

yummy deserts.

comfortable cold weather clothes.

watching John Krasinski play squash in his cute little tennis whites :)

seeing the beautiful greenery after a few days of rain.

seeing miracles.

getting cold and dreary weather fashion inspiration.

where is that?

2011-11-05T15:45:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've been panicking at the thought of answering this question.
Where DO I want to be?

Do I want to be in Los Angeles, where it makes the most sense for my desired job?
Do I want to move back to my small town in northern California?
Do I want to move to Wisconsin to be near family?
Do I want to try a completely new city, like Portland or Seattle?

I know that in reality, there are so many places that I could go. I could move anywhere and survive. But I really wish there was some way for me to just KNOW that the place I choose is going to be where I would be happiest.

hubba hubba

2011-11-03T22:50:00.000-07:00

These pictures sort of remind me of my home. I know that when we're in our 20's and maybe early 30's we will want to live exciting city lives... but maybe once we're a little older we'll agree to move out to the country? And raise our kids away from plastic surgeries and Call of Duty? I couldn't raise city kids... I want them to run around outside... or if they're anything like me, they'll want to read underneath trees instead.

Baby, I want a horse. This is not like "Dear Santa, I want a pony." I want a legitimate horse that I can brush and ride and feed carrots to. It's something that I've always wanted. I know it sounds crazy, especially because I don't really know how to ride one... but it's just part of that grown up/live in the country fantasy.

There also needs to be a hammock in our future. Perfect for afternoon reading or mid morning naps :)

I also insist on living in a place that has seasons. I'm so tired of still wearing sundresses in October. I want boots and socks and hot cocoa for AT LEAST 3 months out of the year. Plus, you'll look so handsome in a coat :)

This is my hopes and dreams... I know you'll be so supportive of me, even if it never does happen.

I feel crazy thinking of our future Halloween costumes. Are you a couples costume kind of guy? Because I'm not really sure that I'm a couples costume girl. On the other hand, I will absolutely insist that we do family Halloween costumes when the kids are too little to protest or care. The cast of Harry Potter... the cast of Lord of the Rings... the cast of Star Wars (you can be Han if I get to wear the slave costume). Now that I type this out... I'm realizing how nerdy everyone will think our family is. Oh well!

I wish I knew you by next summer because there are SO many movies I would see with you! The Avengers... The Dark Knight Rises...

I swear I didn't write this... but somehow everything on this list suits me.

This just melted my heart... I hope you agree :)

I want to kiss you just like that in every coffee shop in the entire world.

I very much so hope that you will wear socks like this. Because I will steal them and wear them with your shirts around the house when it's cold and dreary outside. You'll probably grumble about all of your missing socks... but you'll have to admit that I look pretty cute in them.

I promise to love your super scrumptious adam's apple.

I promise to love your super honking schnoz.

I promise to love your super sexy scruff.

I promise to enjoy every second of when you hold me like this.

all things Mindy

2011-11-03T22:10:00.000-07:00

Mindy Kaling is such a cool chic... and I was THRILLED when I found out that she was writing a book. I pre-ordered it from Amazon and everything... and I never do that! The way she writes is so hilarious, so well timed, so conversational. If you read Bossypants or Are You There Vodka? you'll very likely enjoy her collection of personal essays, but I ensure you, it's even BETTER! She's a huge inspiration to me in life and in work aspirations.

My pre-order came in the mail yesterday and was waiting for me when I got home from class at 7pm. I did a quick happy dance (a mix between a hoe down and skipping) and I sat down on my bed DEVOURING that book! I took a mini break for a 1/2 an hour of Modern Family but then kept reading until I finished the book 2:30am.

Though I probably should've been focusing that time on homework or job searching, it was worth the hours of pure happiness! Please go out and buy this book. Read it cover to cover. Laugh a ton :)

Here's just two of many parts that made me laugh ridiculously hard:

"Khiel's for your skin, Bumble and Bumble for your hair. Maybe a comb. That is all you need. And when girls look in your medicine cabinet (which they will obviously do within the first five minutes of coming to your place), you'll look all classily self restrained because you'll only have two beauty products. You're basically a cowboy."

"Among some of the writers were Amy Poehler, Seth Meyers, Rachel Dratch and Tina Fey... While they all talked and goofed around, I sat at the table listening and smiling and saying nothing, like an upbeat foreign exchange student who speaks very little English"

funny funny videos

2011-11-03T10:52:00.001-07:00

These are silly little videos we made in my dorm room freshman year after late night trips to buy junk food from the market. Even 3+ years later, they absolutely make me laugh.

all together

2011-11-02T23:40:00.000-07:00

these pictures collaborate to create my dream home.

Coincidentally, everything is yellow or white...

ghoulishly

2011-11-01T00:14:00.000-07:00

Okay.. so I didn't have a very good costume this year. Basically, I was doing the poor girl college student costume because I happened to have a tiara, a black dress, black wayfarers and costume pearl necklaces. Next year will be a lot cooler... I promise! We went downtown and it was a really nice, laid back sort of night. I didn't feel like I was rushing around to the next coolest thing, it felt very much so my speed of things. Plus, I was home at midnight :)

could I please

2011-10-30T10:53:00.000-07:00

Dear Apatows,

Can I be a part of your family instead? I'm sure you don't do things that normal families do. You guys are just way cooler than any family should ever be and I want to be a part of that, is that ok?

2011-10-30T01:10:00.000-07:00

2 songs:

Little Bitty Pretty One -Thurston Harris

I Believe in a Thing Called Love- The Darkness

These songs make me feel indescribably happy.

my life just changed entirely

2011-10-30T01:05:00.000-07:00

They dated/are dating IN REAL LIFE TOO?????

Suddenly I feel like maybe I DO have a fairy godmother out there and dreams DO come true! My faith in true love has returned.

2011-10-29T10:52:00.000-07:00

3 films:

-You Got Mail.

There is just nothing wrong about this movie. I can watch it a million times and never have seen it enough. The setting of the seasons in New York is beautiful. The layout of the two characters lives is so well versed. Meg Ryan is quirky without being overly so, and beautiful and kind. I wish she was a real person because I would probably want to be her best friend. I love that the story revolves around books and the beautiful world that surrounds books... a magical place called a book shop. This movie truly did change my life and made me want to aspire to something.

-When Harry Met Sally

Yes, it's another Meg Ryan movie... what can I say, she's my favorite actress! But this movie is phenomenal for a million different reasons. The humor in this movie is incomparable to any other movie. Relationships are messy and annoying and you sometimes have to wait a long time for things to go right. You might have to embarrass yourself and sometimes fight. But guess what? It can still be funny! Harry and Sally are such believable characters in a wonderful story.

-10 Things I Hate About You

I grew up watching this movie and in a lot of ways it shaped how I think about my life. I was never ashamed of myself when I compared myself to Kat. She drove a sexy car, listened to loud music, read intellectual books and wasn't ever going to conform. (She also never wore a bra... but THAT was never going to happen for me!) She made me feel like everything I wanted was actually cool... just no one could understand it yet. Ok... now I want to go watch this movie again.

oh gawsh

2011-10-29T10:30:00.000-07:00

I definitely think that Aubrey Plaza is a cool girl. She's beautiful, but in a weird way and she's funny in an alien sort of way. I have a pretty weird sense of humor, but if so many people can get Aubrey's sense of humor, then I'm sure someday, someone will understand mine!

happy birthday

2011-10-29T00:44:00.000-07:00

to my reality TV dad. Oh how I wish that you were my real dad. You're such a nice man Bruce Jenner. You'd always pick me up from carpool and are happy with a little toy helicopter. If you were my dad I'd totally have gone golfing and flown little helicopters around with you today.

2011-10-29T00:29:00.000-07:00

4 books:

1. MATILDA. This is my all time most favorite fabulous fantastic book. It's sarcastic and witty and perfect. I want a tiny ivy-covered brick cottage in the woods. I wish I could be Miss Honey. I wish I could be Matilda. I wish I had magic powers. I wish I was wickedly smart. The movie is good... the book is BETTER. I also own three different copies... you know... just in case. Roald Dahl is my favorite writer.

2. The Great Gatsby. I understood everything in this book. It was lyrical, poetic almost. Heartbreaking but intriguing at the same time. I should really read this again soon.

3. Emma. I love Jane Austen... that woman knew the way into my heart... but her heroines were so hard for me to understand and get into. Emma was finally a girl after my own heart. She's at fault more than she's correct. She's bossy. She's stubborn. She always assumes she's right. But she loves deeply and she always has the best intentions at heart. Also, Clueless is based off of this book, which makes both o much better. Oh Mr. Knightly!

4. The Princess Diaries. Don't laugh! These books helped me find my true voice in my writing. Meg Cabot really writes like her character talk, which is something I ADORE. Mia T. wasn't your average princess and she sure as hell stood a Disney princess on her head! She was awkward and neurotic. She wrote in her diary while hiding in the bathroom. She wore combat boots. She lived in NYC and was scared to death of her Grandmother. The books were nothing like the movie at all... but Robert Schwartzman was in the movies... so I guess I can't complain :)

amazing

2011-10-28T11:29:00.000-07:00

Occasionally, I see a movie and I feel like everyone in the world needs to watch it. And I'll do anything to get people to see this movie. I'd buy it for everyone I know and send it out to friends and family as a Christmas present, but I know that half of them won't even watch it. Or they'll switch it on and turn it off halfway.

I have a love for well-made, well-formed documentaries. I love fashion ones especially... and anyone who follows me on Twitter knows that I will retweet ANYthing that comes my way about Bill Cunningham, New York, which I felt was the best documentary that I've ever seen in my entire life.

But I also love documentaries that teach. They allow viewers to create an entirely new perspective of life. I felt this way when I saw Waiting for Superman last year as well. It allowed me to gain insight into the world of public education in a way I had never even considered before watching that movie. And it got the point across before becoming too Micheal Moore... if you know what I mean.

Someone tweeted this trailer a few months ago and I was enthralled by the message that's very close to my heart. It was a hit at Sundance and I could only find 3 showings in California... none of which were in San Diego. But I was able to see it! Last night! My teacher showed the movie before millions of other people were able to see this movie and I kept wondering how she got her hands on it before everyone else in the country... answer is: SHE'S IN THE MOVIE. Besides being an incredibly inspiring teacher, she gets her point across very well in the movie as well. Oprah has bought the movie and I desperately hope that it will become readily available to the masses very soon. Please watch this trailer and be inspired.

2011-10-28T11:13:00.000-07:00

5 foods:

Chocolate Chip Pie

Chocolate Chip Cookies

Plain Bagels

Roasted Cauliflower

Godiva Cheesecake

... and this is why I will never loose weight

2011-10-27T10:17:00.000-07:00

6 places:

San Francisco, CA

Los Angeles, CA

Austin, TX (I really want to go)

Portland, Oregon (I'm dying to go again)

Seattle, Washington (same)

Booth Bay Harbor, ME

2011-10-27T10:14:00.000-07:00

7 wants:

-I want to have something fall into place for once. I'm so tired of having to struggle and go against the grain and fight. I just want one thing to stare at me in the face until I realize that it's just for me.

-I really do want to fall in love again. I want to fall into a passionate, sweet, gentle sort of love... but it has to be with the right person in the right way. And I can't let myself settle for anything less.

-I want a job that I can love. I've had jobs since age 16 and I've hated going every single day. That's not normal really... to only find jobs that you hate! I've worked so hard through college and I deserve a really great job now that I'm graduating!

-I want to have my own home. Ok... I'll be renting from now until forever... but a place that I can call my own. That I can decorate the way I want with cute weird things that I love. That I pay rent to every month.

-I want a desktop computer, a newspaper on my porch and a gym membership. I want CONSISTENCY and I want to feel grounded. Not like everything is going to change again in the next few months... you know? I've moved once or twice a year, every year, since I was 16 and I'm so sick of it! I want to stay in one place for a while.

-I want a dog or a cat so badly I could cry. I'm the type of lonely person who needs a pet! I need someone to take care of, other than myself.

-I want some more money. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I want to be able to buy books and clothes and go to flea markets and actually buy things. I want to go to local restaurants. I want to go to movies in theaters. I want to go to music festivals. I've missed being a normal human being instead of a dirt poor college student.

2011-10-25T21:16:00.000-07:00

8 fears:

I was thinking the other day about how some people die so young that they're never anything to anyone, they never accomplished anything. So all of my fears revolve around this idea, the idea of NEVER.

-Never traveling around the world, never experiencing, seeing or feeling anything different from my day to day life.

-Never falling in love and never getting married to the love of my life.

-Never having children and raising them in a safe, happy home.

-Never creating a beautiful home for my family.

-Never finding lifelong and true friendships.

-Never writing something that matters

-Never owning my own business.

-Never being satisfied with what life has dealt me.

2011-10-24T23:33:00.000-07:00

9 loves:

-I love decorating my home. I love going to flea markets. I love making something old into something new. I love finding that one perfect chair I've always been looking for. I'm a total nester who loves to spend a lot of time in a quirky cute home.

-I love food. I wish I could go to all the amazing local restaurants and try every single one of them out! If I live in LA, I've already planned three restaurants I HAVE to eat at. I also love making food. It's like science, but I'm actually good at it.

-I love writing. I get this really emotional high when I create this perfect idea and I type it out and SEE my thoughts. There's nothing quite like it.

-I love TV. Currently, the new shows I'm watching are The Office, Community, Parks and Recreation, Whitney, Up All Night, 2 Broke Girls, Modern Family, Pan Am, Charlies Angels, Happy Endings, Hart of Dixie, Gossip Girl, New Girl, Terra Nova and Project Runway (which ends this week!)

-I love reading the tweets of highly emotional girls like myself. They're just a reminder everyday that there ARE people out there that are thinking the exact same thoughts as me. I'm not totally weird and alone in hating texting and immature men.

-I love daydreaming about hunky and famous movie/TV stars. It's so much more fun than looking at the boys who surround me at work/school/real life.

-I love magazines. They give me so much information in such a short amount of time! They are light enough to put in my purse! They have such pretty pictures!

-I have an incredible love for movies. ALL movies. I'll try any movie once.

-I love BEING in love. When I love someone colors look different. I'm beautiful. Strangers smile. There's no traffic in the streets. Everything feels manageable and magnificent. When I'm not in love? everything is so much... less.

2011-10-23T23:28:00.000-07:00

10 Secrets:

-Once I read somewhere that the first stall is the stall used the least in public bathrooms. So now every time I go into a bathroom I wonder if that's still true or if everyone has read what I have read and use the first stall now. I think this EVERY TIME.

-I have this thing about opened windows... I hate when my house feels stuffy so I'm always opening my windows. Even when it's uncomfortably hot or miserably cold.

-Sometimes I wish I could sell everything I own and start backpacking around the world.

-When I was a little girl I wanted to have blonde hair and green eyes.

-When I'm at work every ethnicity assumes I speak their native language. Within 5 minutes I'll have someone speaking Farsi, Spanish and Mandarin to me because for some reason they truly believe that I can understand them.

-I have scoliosis. I used to complain about my back all the time an finally after 6 years of complaining a chiropractor told me that my spine (only slightly) twists like a spiral staircase

-I've watching Dirty Dancing and Grease way too many times on TV. I know all the songs and most of the dances too

-For me "working out" is doing yoga.

-Yesterday I read that "teens were dancing in the carefree way that only teens can" and I was thinking, um... I don't know any carefree-dancing teens. all teens are super awkward and self conscious about their dance moves. Or was I the only one?

-I believe that everyone is in the relationship that they want to be in. I know I whine and mope about not finding a beautiful kind man... but in reality, I COULD find a beautiful kind man. I'm just not looking for him. I'm scared of him. Hopefully someday soon I'll stop being so scared of men, but until then I'm totally going to cuddle with my stuffed polar bear animal. His name is Marshmellow.

get excited

2011-10-23T23:05:00.000-07:00

I don't normally get THIS EXCITED about a picture of someone elses house but this is absolutely-positively-totally-completely my DREAM house. It literally has everything I love in ONE ROOM.

innocence

2011-10-22T15:51:00.000-07:00

A friend oh-so-kindly hinted to me that my blog is pretty materialistic and based off of how things look.
My quick and sassy response was something like, "It's a BLOG. Do you want me to base everything off of how it SOUNDS or SMELLS?"

But to be completely honest with myself, he's right. My blog is a big mixture of things I think are pretty and are small, inconsequential rants about my life that no one really cares about. But isn't that how all personal blogs are?

In all truthfulness, I would want my blog to be completely different. I'd like it to be more personal with more pictures of my life, semi-daily outfit posts, pictures of mini-road trips and tasty foods at local restaurants. Unfortunately, I always forget take a picture of my outfit and by the time I get to school I look a bit too sweaty and too windblown to post any pictures. I don't take mini-road trips because I don't have days off or gas money to spare. I don't even go to restaurants because Panera and Starbucks have become huge monetary splurges.

I'm an overwhelmed, overworked, underpaid college student who watches free TV online (I jokingly refer to Hulu as my best friend), still has her dad pay for her Netflix subscription and hardly ever goes anywhere but school and work.

I don't need a glamorous lifestyle full of jet setting adventures and big shopping sprees, but I am looking forward to a lifestyle where I can go out to dinner every once in a while, go to movies on a Friday night and try new things in new towns. And I can see that... it's just in the distance. It comes after graduation and finding a big girl job and apartment. I fully intend on keeping my blog throughout this weird intermediate chapter of my life and hopefully this blog will grow and expand over time, just like I will. Maybe someday I'll even introduce new people on the blog too.. like a new pet and a new hunky boyfriend and a new super-awesome gal pal.

In the meantime, I hope readers and casual observers don't mind the "wish board" approach that I've been taking. No, these pictures are of me. That's not my adorable couch, my cute shoes or my sexy husband. But someday, I hope that this wish board will somewhat resemble my actual life. And I can't wait to show you that.

These are not my shoes.

This is not my couch.

This is not my bedroom.

This is not where I spend my mornings.

This is not my boyfriend. Or my car.

favorite directors

2011-10-21T00:10:00.000-07:00

I get a lot of flack when I tell people that I love M Night Shyamalan.
A lot of people don't like his movies... which I completely understand. He has made some BAD movies, even I admit it! But you have to admit that they come from amazinggg ideas.
The Happening was a pretty bad movie... but the plot was this cool twist on a War of the Worlds kind of story!
The Village might not have been your cup of tea... but did you expect that ending? No, you didn't. Stop lying to yourself.
Unbreakable had the most amazing concept and hardly anyone has seen that movie!
Lady in the Water... ok... there's no justifying that movie. It was really bad.
But... Signs? The Sixth Sense? Those were awesome films!

Here's my hypothesis: he's a Woody Allen-type director. Woody Allen makes a movie almost every year. Even he admits that they're not all good movies... but he's MAKING them. He doesn't take a breath to realize if what he's doing is genius or madness. He just DOES. I think that's what M Night is doing... he's just DOing.

I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't hoping for his next movie to be a genuine success... but I'm just glad he's still putting good ideas out there.

such a Morgan outfit

2011-10-21T00:01:00.000-07:00

future hunnie

2011-10-20T23:42:00.000-07:00

I'm already praying that you aren't a vegetarian. Not that being a veggie isn't noble... it definitely is... it's just that selfishly I don't want to have to worry if they sell tofu burgers at every burger place I drag you to.

I promise to make you baked goods all the time. I also promise to let you lick the spoon. Not many things are guaranteed, but this is.

I feel as if I should be honest with you from the start by telling you that I love the look of messy beds. And that the main reasoning behind this is laziness. And because I hate making the bed.

Pictures like this kind of melt my heart. If you tell me you don't like cats... it truly could be a deal breaker. Guys who love cats have something about them... some kind of tenderness and mellowness that cat-haters do not have.

I think reading the newspaper is such a grown up thing to do and it's something I think is really important. Mixed with my magazine obsession, I hope you love print journalism as much as I do!

While I'm dazzling you with my honesty... I will tell you this: I despise dishes. I will pile my dishes until I run out of forks. Even THEN... I've been known to eat with spoons. Knives are where I draw the line and by then the pile of dirty dishes is pretty massive.

You'll probably have to remind me of this occasionally. I can be a pretty rotten debbie downer at times.

I love plants. Love love love them. Too bad I have the worst green thumb.

I'm so excited to do the craziest things with you. I can't wait to do the simple things like brush my teeth with you.

You'll understand this, right? Or you'll pretend to understand?

I don't make being me very easy... mainly because I love people too much. I care too much and it leads me to getting hurt too much. You wouldn't ever make me regret loving you so much.

Sometimes I get self conscious around beautiful boys but then I remember that one of them could be you and I try not to be self conscious. Because you'll love me for everything that I am. And it really helps me sleep at night to know that.

decor-retarded

2011-10-19T00:23:00.000-07:00

Most decorating blogs make me dizzy. There's too much stuff laying around these houses! They have chandeliers and baby angel statues next to their record collection, a random stool in the middle of the room and a fully stocked bar! I just don't understand how all these house can be so cluttered. On the other end of the spectrum are the decor-blogs that are so minimalistic and modern that it veers on depression. Like I might need a straight jacket before entering one of those houses. I like finding blogs that show REAL houses with messy stacks, a little dust, a few visible cords and TV'S! Because all decorators have gotten together and decided that TV's are soooo passe and we ought to hide them and be ashamed that we enjoy watching television. Instead we should show off our huge, pointless coffee table books that fully explore all of our most interesting passions. I bet you these people just buy coffee table books as a conversation starter... they might not even read them!

These all look like they came from the same house, right? Wrong! I just love how happy they feel :)
check out some more here

not to be brash but....

2011-10-18T12:42:00.000-07:00

IS THIS REAL?
because I just had a lady boner.

I want to frame this and put in on my wall so I can look at it every day.
Will strangers entering my house think I'm weird?
Probably.

taking my mind off of studying

2011-10-16T21:07:00.000-07:00

involves a lot of chocolate, Megan Fox and a dash of Joesph Gordon Levitt...

thinking back

2011-10-14T20:50:00.000-07:00

My parents both come from pretty big families.
One grandpa had 10 (TEN!) brothers and sisters and my other grandpa had 7 brothers and sisters.
Then my dad had 3 brothers and my mom had 3 sisters (both were the oldest).

So this meant that I went to a LOT of weddings growing up and I was a bridesmaid or flower girl for 4 weddings. Which compared to most people who haven't even attended one wedding... is kind of a lot. So I've had a good deal of experience with weddings.
Country weddings...
Country CLUB weddings...
Church weddings...
Farm weddings...
Elks Lodge weddings... etc.
And each wedding holds a distinct memory, a snapshot of how I felt and looked at that exact moment. Some of them take place in bathrooms, others take place in parking lots, others take place on the dance floor... but one memory jumped out in my mind today while I was studying and it left me feeling really strange for the rest of the day.

I was young, maybe about 8 or 9 years old when one of my aunts was getting married in Seattle to her college sweetheart. I remember how beautiful I thought she was with her short bobbed hair. I remember how cute her house was with a renovated attic and a claw foot bathtub. Everything just seemed so GLAMOROUS. Not in the diamonds and furs kind of way... but in a way that I wanted my life to look like when I was older. The snapshot memory of this wedding wasn't of the wedding at all, it was the night before (or maybe a few nights before) when my sister, family and I were lounging around in her living room watching either Runaway Bride or Father of the Bride. I remember watching her come down the stairs and I just felt content. Like I knew I wanted to be just like her when I grew up. That what I was seeing around me was going to be MY life someday. I was so sure.

Of course, everything changes, but that idea of marrying young, having a home, being beautiful... those don't seem tangible. They seem so far off... or maybe they'll never happen. And I obviously didn't find a college sweetheart. She was just so young! so pretty! so happy! and I feel like I'm nowhere near that.

Sometimes I just put myself under so much pressure. To find a great job. To live in a great city. To have pretty skin and a decent body. On top of all of that I imagined I would fall in love, be married and own a home by 24? I need to just calm down!

oh hey there...

2011-10-12T22:26:00.000-07:00

my best friend would love these. actually she just loves anything that remotely looks like a sweater or a pumpkin.

SODAMNPRETTY.

Mindy, I want you to be my new best friend. Not in a weird way... but in a way that we can talk about You Got Mail and go shopping and paint our nails together kind of way. I don't mind that you're semi famous and 10 years older... we'll make it work.

Ohhhh Adam.

I love her. and I even like her new show.

This isn't real life, but I like to pretend that somewhere, there really are people this pretty hanging out together dressed in casually sexy clothes while watching a lacrosse game.

How do boys get this hair? Are they born this way? Does it take painstakingly long hours to get it this way? Because I love it. So boys... keep up the good work.

That's one perfect looking couple.

It just doesn't get better than that. Perfection.

Oh hey boy... go play some football in the street and I'll bake you a pumpkin pie.

That girl has SKIN. I mean, everyone has skin, but this girl GLOWS. Maybe she's an alien because no one is that pretty.

Oh, hi beautiful.

The feminist Ryan Gosling tumblr had be LOL-ing. So many girls like him now... it's so silly.

I mean, how adorbable are they?

I spend too many hours of my life

2011-10-11T23:24:00.000-07:00

looking at pictures of this gorgeous fellow.

future hus...

2011-10-07T23:04:00.000-07:00

You don't mind the whole "denim on denim" look... right? Because I'm totally in love with it, but especially on cute boys. You'll look all rugged and handsome but still clean cut... it'll make me weak at the knees!

Hope you don't mind my creepy fascination with scars and bruises. I can't help it! There's just something super beautiful about it to me. I'm secretly hoping you have a few little scars yourself. Nothing serious like Joaquin Phoenix or anything... but just a few from falling off of your bike or something?

I want to be the Pam to your Jim. Except that as Pam, I vow to dress nicer, be less conniving and actually do something for you every once in a while. Also, my aspirations won't be as simple as "art". Meanwhile, you can propose to me at a gas station and buy a house... just not your parents house because that's just weird...

Please hold me like this, even if I resist sometimes. I secretly like it, I'm just afraid you don't.

No words.

Can we get this couch? Pretty please?

You know that boys always have the best, softest hair. Please let me run my fingers through it sometimes.

We will strive to be cuter than this. I mean... it'll be hard. Maybe we'll frame a picture of Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling on our wall so that we can remind ourselves of the fierce cute couple competition we have out there.

We'll need to buy a bathtub big enough for the both of us. This will be on the house-hunting list.

You'll understand my desire for a Batmobile, right?

Ijust don't know how I feel about boys in pea coats really. Leather, bomber, varsity, cargo... I love them all. But pea coats are a little fem for me... what will your preference be? Chances are you'll be super adorable in a pea coat anyway...

Will you ride bikes with me? This will totally up our cute couple status as well. But we drawn the line at matching outfits... or color coordinated outfits, deal?

I'm dying to fix up (or buy a readily "fixed up") Mustang. Will you be a super nifty "car guy"? Because I'm definitely not a car girl :/ But I can reenact the Megan Fox wearing cut offs on top of a motorcycle scene if you're into it...

Two things: How do you feel about slanted ceilings? I personally love them, but if you're freakishly tall we can do with them. Also, how do you feel about the TV in the bedroom thing? Personally, I wouldn't mind either way, but I have a feeling I will enjoy watching Conan or Jimmy Fallon with you late at night. I pray you aren't a Jimmy Kimmel fan. Then we REALLY wouldn't be having sex.

I'm literally at a loss for what to eat on a cold day now that I'm not able to eat delectable roasted vegetables. Please don't protest my favorite foods in the whole world.

How do you feel about bangs? Because every year at least once a year I decide "to hell with it!" and I cut my hair into bangs. I hope you like them...

I know you'll totally understand and defend my weird fashion sense. Even when I wear a silky pajama top to a coffee shop or out to lunch. You'll just understand that I know what I'm doing and think my style is super cool no mater what :)

silly magazines

2011-10-06T22:37:00.000-07:00

I love magazines. I absorb them in ways that normal human beings do not. But because I read so many I sometimes get burnt out on their repetitiveness. Or their blatant sexism (but that's another story for another time). Usually I ignore the relationship articles altogether because magazines only focus on the most shallow, vain aspects of relationships. Like, according to magazines, the most important aspect to a relationship is sex... and while some people in the world DO think this, I definitely don't. They never explore dealing with cheating, death, boredom or children... has anyone ever noticed this? According to the most common subjects, it seems as if women only care about jealousy, sex and marriage. Nottt a healthy combo I would say.

ANYway... tangent over. I just wanted to say that I read something in an article that I've heard before but never really thought too much of.
"Would you want to date YOU?"

And it's really making me think.

I mean, I dress nice. I can cook and bake pretty well. I try to smell good. I have soft hair. Decent height and build. My apartments are always nicely decorated. I can carry a good conversation about movies and TV shows. I always know the weather for the day. I give really great massages. I'm pathetically loyal. I'm an amazing listener.

But on the other hand... I never check my phone. DEspise doing the dishes. I'd rather do things by myself than spend time with other people doing something boring. I like being right. There's no such thing as constructive criticism. I cry easily in movies... TV shows... commercials.... I also watch too many movies... TV shows... and commercials.

But overall, I would want to date me. I'm weird... I'm quirky... but there's also no one else like me out there.
Now tell me, would YOU want to date YOU?

what was NBC thinking?

2011-10-04T20:05:00.001-07:00

how could they cancel that beautiful face?

RIP Playboy Club :/

some of my favorite boys

2011-10-04T19:59:00.000-07:00

Via Band of Outsiders Fall 2011 Lookbook

seriously considering

2011-10-04T19:39:00.001-07:00

spending $80 that I really shouldn't buying these PERFECT menswear inspired Pajama's. I want to wear them as clothes though. I think I'm in love...

feeling rue-ful...

2011-10-04T19:38:00.000-07:00

I'll be honest, I'm completely against online anything. What about print baby? But there is one exception to the rule: I love Rue Magazine. Here's a few of my favorite pictures from the most recent Anniversary Issue.

2011-10-02T20:45:00.000-07:00

I LOVE this dress. I can totally imagine riding my bike to school in something like this :)

This is the epitome of fall in LA to me.

I love these. I'm already wanting new boots so badly!

Ohhhhhhh Prada baby, you really had some greats (like this) but you also had some really big misses... what happened? These Prada looks are exactly what women should be looking for!

There's definitely something inside of me that can imagine this being very real..

Have I mentioned how much I LOVE that dress? As in, I would wear it everyday if someone gave it to me!

These too!

That doesn't sound too bad right about now...

I have a weakness for fashionable friends.

Only now am I realizing how true this is. I got a little sign today about love that just filled me with so much joy and happiness. Someday...

as if I

2011-09-29T00:06:00.000-07:00

needed another reason to fall in love with the Coppola's...

2011-09-27T23:49:00.000-07:00

I've been coveting an adorable cable knit sweater since I was 10 years old. I had this fantasy that I was going to become an actress and that wearing a white cable knit sweater would win me the role of a lifetime during a casting. Since this elementary dream, the career path has shifted, but the desire for the perfect sweater has not!

I'm not sure how much longer I'll be able to contain my excitement for fall clothing. I'm sick sick sick of looking at dresses and flip flops in my closet! I miss my leather jacket! My boots! My scarves!

Oh hello Ryan Gosling.. may I join you?

second guessing

2011-09-27T23:42:00.000-07:00

I've been second guessing a LOT about my life. These past few weeks I've literally been frightened to leave my house in fear of what will greet me outside.

Will someone honk at me or flip me off while driving?
Will another cop yell at me?
Will that beautiful boy with the girlfriend continue to piercingly stare at me without ever talking to me?
Will my allergies flare up to epic proportions resulting in very teary eyes?
Will another teacher sternly lecture out of ranting frustration?
Will another manager freak out at me, causing me to literally run away from them?
Will another customer blame me for their personal problems?

Nothing horrible has happened to me (knock on wood) but I'm tired of nothing GOOD happening to me. Sure I have really bad allergies... but so do a lot of people. Sure those auto repair guys totally took advantage of my insurance... but so do ALL auto repair guys. Sure I'm dirt poor and freaking out about what's going to happen next... but so is everyone else who's graduating with me!

At least I'm alive! At least I have a chance to reach my goals and aspirations... in case I ever have any of those. I'm a driven, street smart, decent looking and quirky person. I will make things work out because they have to. Even if it means that I need to watch exorbitant amounts of comedy television just to keep myself sane.

signs

2011-09-27T21:09:00.000-07:00

I was sitting in my car, on the verge of tears and I said out loud "Tell me where to go. Get me out of this place, I'm not happy here. I'm exhausted and I'm tired of being sad."

I waited for a few seconds... even though I knew there was going to be no answer.

On a side note: I listen to CD's in my car. Old fashioned, maybe, but I like putting together my music on CD's and recently, I switched out my newest CD's to older CD's... most of them from 3 or more years ago. Because I haven't listened to them in so long it fills me with a lot of really happy old memories and because I'm a crazy lady, I'm constantly switching songs and I never know what I'll click on next.

So today, after my pleading into the abyss, I got an answer. I switched to a new CD... first song? "California" a cover by Mates of State. I didn't really think about it until the next song began "Lazy days in Los Angeles..." by Shwayze. That's when I put two and two together. So I said out loud "Do you want me to stay in California? Is that what you want?"

Next song? The "Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want" cover of the Smiths by She & Him that begins, "Good times for a change..."

I mean COME ON!

2011-09-22T20:41:00.000-07:00

2011-09-20T22:42:00.000-07:00

50/50 is a movie about cancer. In theory, this seems like a pretty horrible idea for a movie. We all live in a world where cancer kills a lot of people. We probably know at least one person who's recovered from it or died from it. But it's never talked about. Cancer has become the ultimate buzzkill, the absolute taboo of our society. Fortunately, 50/50 is an amazing movie that transforms the bummer subject into a hilariously funny and incredibly heartfelt film.

Adam is the definition of a good guy. He doesn't drink or smoke. He likes his job. He recycles and probably flosses too. At age 27, Adam seems to have a really promising life ahead of him... that is, until he finds out that he has cancer with a 50% chance of survival. Suddenly his relationship with his artist girlfriend (Bryce Dallas Howard) isn't as steady as it once was. His worrisome mother (Angelica Huston) becomes unbearable. His overly optimistic psychiatrist (Anna Kendrick) annoys Adam's numb approach to everything. Even his friend (Seth Rogan) seems to be stuck in the fraternity phase of life that Adam is far removed from.

The real story began about six years ago when Will Reiser, writer of 50/50 was diagnosed with cancer at the young age of 24. To deal with his grief, he looked to his real life best friend Seth Rogan for guidance. After beating the disease, Reiser and Rogan wrote and produced the script for 50/50 because they realized all the humor that actually resulted from that horrible situation. Rather than creating something overly depressing or forcing humor, the Reisner and Rogan collaboration is honest and comes to terms with the fact that cancer isn't always sad.

After hearing the premise, it's easy to forget that this movie is a comedy and without Seth Rogan's role as Adam's childhood best friend, the movie could've tapped into a much deeper, darker place. His quick banter with Gordon-Levitt feels natural and sarcastic one liners erupt from his every scene. Even in his most self serving moments, there's something childish and appealing to the friendship. Anna Kendrick's quirky/cute personality lightens the situation and she acts as the girl every guy wants and every girl wants to be. Even the elderly cancer patient friends (and pot macaroons) that Adam meets in the hospital are a hilarious bunch. It seems fitting that the most depressing, most sad scenes are quickly contrasted to the most hilarious and heartfelt.

Can't change what happen to you, you can only change how you look at it.

so much fuss

2011-09-17T00:01:00.000-07:00

over Ralph Lauren but the sickeningly sweet color scheme was such a turn off for me! His best work was in the flapper inspired gowns. Oh! and this adorable tuxedo.

Also, Rachel Zoe did a fabulous line that I wish I could afford!

This one is my absolute FAVORITE. Those colors! That fit! That pose! That model! Everything worked perfectly.